


Tarlos Being Boyfriends

by Pigeonsplotinsecrecy



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Boyfriends in love, Domestic, Domestic Tarlos, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares, Therapy, daily life, one shots, suicide talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:34:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24464290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pigeonsplotinsecrecy/pseuds/Pigeonsplotinsecrecy
Summary: Snippets of Tarlos doing boyfriend things.Chapter 1: Pounding Head- T.K. has a migraine.Chapter 2: He's Okay- Carlos has nightmares about bad things happening to T.K.Chapter 3: T.K. tests Carlos’ love.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 5
Kudos: 170





	1. Pounding Head

T.K. knew what was coming as soon as the people started to blur on the television screen and black spots began to shoot through his vision. The movie was suddenly far too loud and bright against his eyes, which were having trouble making out the shapes around him with the build up of tension in his head. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep himself together so he didn’t ruin the nice evening with Carlos.

The movie was nearly unbearable. The sound was too loud and even the dark scenes were too bright for T.K.’s sensitive eyes. He tried to take deep breaths to keep the nausea away, but nothing was working, and when he got like this, there was very little that could be done other than dealing with the pain. When he opened his eyes, Carlos was staring at him, eyes gentle and concerned.

“Hey,” Carlos said softly, rubbing his face. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m okay,” T.K. insisted because he wasn’t going to ruin a date over his head hurting a little (okay, a lot).

T.K. felt sick to his stomach, but he could get through this movie.

“Are you sure. I can drive you home or you can go lay down if you’re not feeling well.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“You’re swaying.”

“Yeah, I can’t see very well right now.”

Carlos looked alarmed. “Why? What do you mean? I can call—”

“You don’t need to call Michelle. It’s just a migraine.”

“Oh, you get them a lot?”

“Not that much. Just periodically.” He got them pretty frequently, actually, but he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. He’d gotten used to deal with them.

Carlos flipped off the TV. “You didn’t have to do that. I was fine.”

“You’re in pain. Come on, why don’t you lay down in my room for a while, and I can get you some Excedrin and something for over your eyes.”

“That will ruin our fun.”

“It’s not going to be fun if you don’t feel well. If you get some rest, you might feel better.”

T.K. sighed. “Fine, I guess you’re right.”

Carlos looked pleased, “I always am.”


	2. He's Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos has nightmares. T.K. is there for him.

Carlos knows that he doesn’t need to worry about T.K. T.K.’s an adult, and he’s been doing well lately. He’s been going to therapy and is looking better. He’s less snappish, and for the most part, he hasn’t been pushing himself away when things got too vulnerable between them. Nevertheless, despite T.K.’s progress, Carlos was still nervous. He can’t help but think back to when T.K. had told him that he felt numb all the time and just wanted to feel something or how T.K. had later confessed that he’d tried to kill himself back in New York, and while Carlos had been touched that T.K. had felt comfortable enough to tell him, there’s part of him that wishes that he didn’t know because he can’t stop thinking about it.

Anyone who is close to Carlos knows that he doesn’t like things he can’t control. He likes to protect people, but it’s hard to protect people from themselves. He’s not sure how to stop worries. He has nightmares about T.K. jumping off a bridge. He knows what his subconscious is doing. Carlos once saw a woman throw herself off a bridge. He’d only been thirteen, and before he even realized what was happening, she was flinging herself over the rails and slamming into the water. He’d had to go to therapy for months after that, and the nightmares about that woman had never gone away. Now, she’s replaced by T.K., but in the dreams, Carlos still feels like young kid, unable to do anything to help.

In the dream, T.K. stays by the rail for a while. He talks about how he can’t stand to be alive anymore. He tells Carlos that he didn’t do enough to help T.K. Carlos tries to shift his feet from the hard ground just away from the bridge, but nothing helps. No amount of might can get him there in time to save T.K. After taunting Carlos, T.K. finally goes over the edge. Then, Carlos wakes up, a pit in his stomach and a perpetual worry filling his mind as he starts his day.

Carlos has started seeing a therapist again. His new one isn’t as nice as his first, Mary, had been. She doesn’t play fun games with him or try to ease him into the conversation. Paula is more brash, and she excels at her job, even if her style isn’t what Carlos is used to. She’s told Carlos a million times that he needs to talk about this with T.K., but he’s scared. This is the kind of thing that could have T.K. running as fast as he can away from Carlos’ apartment. As he finishes up dinner, he wonders if maybe dinner was a bad idea. T.K. had a history of running away from dinner.

T.K. saw Carlos’ nerves. “What’s wrong, Reyes?” T.K’s trying to keep his tone light, and Carlos is thankful for that, but this whole thing feels like an out of control disaster, and Carlos wants to rip the band aid off and be done with it, but he sits slowly in his chair to gain his composure, letting dinner get between them. T.K. starts to look more worried, “Carlos, you’re scaring me.”

“I’ve been having nightmares.” Nightmares were an understatement. They’d become Carlos’ personal hell, and the more he avoids dealing with them, the more they screw with his head. Even when he’s awake, they linger in the back of his mind, ready to pop up at the slightest problem. His mind takes him from a minor inconvenience to a devastating loss in five seconds flat.

T.K. looks confused, “Oh?” Carlos wishes that he had opted to have dinner first. Maybe this would be easier on a full stomach. Maybe it would only make Carlos feel more sick. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. But the dreams… um…You die in them,” Carlos starts, trying to take this slowly because the words, “I keep watching you kill yourself,” are too heavy for Carlos’ tongue to hold. His tongue collapses back to the base of his mouth whenever he tries to say them.

T.K. seems to realize the problem by the way he nods in understanding. “Is this about me being shot? Because not even I remember that.” T.K. didn’t get it after all. How could he when Carlos couldn’t even say it out loud. Carlos had _those_ nightmares too for a while, but they’d been replaced by new, more horrifying renditions of T.K. dying.

“Someone doesn’t shoot you, Ty.” Carlos closes his eyes because he can’t see T.K.’s face when he says it. At the last minute, Carlos opens his eyes again because now’s not the time to be a coward. “You jump off a bridge.”

“Oh,” T.K. says. His voice is flat.

“That’s not really how I’d do it.” T.K. says offhandedly and realizes immediately what he’s said. Carlos feels more dread than he’s ever felt. “Not that I want to do it. Really. I’m in a really good place.”

“I know. It’s not just about you. I watched a lady jump off a bridge once. When I was a kid.”

“Oh shit, Carlos. That sucks.” T.K.’s eyes are sorry. He gets up from his chair and goes over to Carlos’ side of the table, weaving their hands together and putting his arms around Carlos so that they’re tangled tougher. T.K.’s voice is breezy against his ear. The breeze just before gusts. “I’d never do that to you, okay?”

It’s a hollow promise because anyone can give into suicide if the circumstances line up right. It’s not logical and in another life, Carlos himself might’ve been pushed to the edge and desperate to escape the pressures of living. There’s nothing Carlos can do to make sure that T.K.’s never in a bad place again. All he can do is be there for T.K. as much as he can be, which sucks. It’s awful, but it’s how things have to be.

“I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose, but you don’t know what the future might bring”

T.K. kisses him on the cheek. “And you don’t either, and I know it’s going to take a lot more than just a talk to get this into your head, but you can worry all you want, but you don’t need to worry about me.” T.K. sighs. “If you’re ever worried that I might not be okay, you can ask.”

“You don’t like when I ask.”

“It’s not favorite thing, but you need to feel secure too, and if it helps to ask, I can learn to be okay with it. Deal?”

Carlos nods. “Deal.” They shake hands and seal the deal with a kiss. Carlos motions to the food. “We can talk more later, but for now, let’s have some good food.” The nightmares come back that night, but T.K. stays the night, so Carlos can hold him close and know that he’s still there. He’s okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	3. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T.K. wants Carlos to choose him.

Don’t Fall in Love with Heroes

They’d stayed in for a movie and pizza night. T.K. munched on his third piece of pizza. They were playing a game of this or that because T.K. had thought, for whatever reason it would be fun. Carlos had started with, “Would you want to super strength or to be able to fly?” T.K. had chosen to be able to fly.

T.K. had started easy. “Would you choose to eat anchovies on your pizza for the rest of your life or never have pizza again.”

“Anchovies aren’t that bad.”

T.K. shook his head. “You’re so weird.”

“Would you choose never seeing a dog again or having a pet cat?” Carlos asked next. He wasn’t taking the game too seriously. He wasn’t even sure why they were playing it other than that he couldn’t say no to T.K.

“I don’t hate cats, so the cat.”

T.K. took a big bite of pizza, and his face grew more serious. He thought for a moment and then said, “If you had to choose between never eating pizza again or never seeing me again, what would you choose?”

“You, T.K.”

Carlos took his turn and then T.K. was up again. “If you had to choose between losing your job or me dying, what would you choose?” Carlos thought the answer was pretty obvious. He could get a new job, but he couldn’t get a new boyfriend, but he didn’t like the turn that this game was taking.

“Why would you ask me that?”

T.K. took a final bite of his pizza and shrugged. “It’s just a game.”

“It’s a test.”

“It’s not that serious,” T.K. insisted.

“No, it is. You’re trying to find a situation when I wouldn’t choose you.”

By the way T.K.’s face reddened, Carlos knew that he was right. “Don’t you get curious about where you stand with me?”

“I feel pretty self-assured that I rank higher than pizza.”

“And my job?” he asked.

“You’d give that up for someone who you didn’t even know.” Carlos knew it was true. He knew that if someone’s life was in danger, T.K. wouldn’t even think twice about it. “I don’t know why you’re so worried about it, but I’m not just going to call it quits over something as trivial as pizza.”

“Yeah, that’s what you think now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know. That’s just kind of how people are. They make you think that you’re a priority until something happens and suddenly you don’t matter anymore.”

Carlos sighed and pulled T.K. closer to him. “Is this about Alex?”

T.K. wished he could explain this as just being about Alex, but it was something bigger, something deeper in the fabric of his being. “No, I’m over him.” And that was true. T.K. didn’t feel much about Alex anymore. T.K. had thought they’d been soulmates, but now, looking back, he knew that Alex hadn’t been right for him. T.K. had just been lonely, and he had wanted someone who would spend time with him.

“Then, what is this about.”

“My dad,” T.K. concluded.

That confused Carlos. “Your dad?” He thought for a moment. “His cancer?”

T.K. shook his head. That wasn’t it either. He was afraid of his dad dying, but the cancer hadn’t been the thing that had shaped him, molded him into the imperfect, wounded adult that he is today. “More like 9/11.”

Carlos still didn’t get it fully. “I’m sure that was scary for you.”

“It was, but it’s mostly what happened after that I never recovered from. “When I needed him, my dad wasn’t there.” T.K. sighed. “That sounds so self-centered. People died that day, and they needed my dad’s help, but he went to work that day, and then, it was like he didn’t come back. He was still there, but he was changed, and he left our family. He chose his job over us, and even thought it was justified, it still stung.”

“You were just a kid, and it wasn’t fair that you had to deal with that.”

“But the thing is that I can’t be mad. I can’t ever feel bitter because it wasn’t fair for anyone, so I have to constantly bottle it up because it’s never a good time to talk about it.”

“Have you tried talking to your dad about how you feel?”

“Yeah, and he tells me how many firefighters died that day as if that changes how I feel.”

“You have a right to your feelings,” Carlos reminded him. He wasn’t sure if saying so would help, but it never hurt to have a reminder.

“Normally my dad’s good about that, but when it comes to 9/11 I lose that right, and I get it. It was a big trauma, but I just want a resolution. Ever since that day, I’ve felt off balance, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get that balance back.”

“I wish there was something that I could do,” Carlos said, dropping his head on T.K.’s shoulder.

T.K. gave a half-hearted smile, “Watch something funny with me. That’ll make me feel better.” It wouldn’t cure him, but it would make him forget for a while that his world was upside down and may always be upside down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
